KOF: A Brand New Kind of Hell
by Strike To Incinerate
Summary: [Starring: Kasumi, Malin, Chae Lim, Ash, Kyo, Chizuru, Iori and many more.] What begins as an innocent puppet show is soon turned into a wacky misadventure, thanks to Ash's inability to keep track of stolen items.[T for language and such.][Chapter 3 Up.]
1. Prologue and a Puppet Show

**King of Fighters: A Brand New Kind of Hell.  
by: Strike To Incinerate**

_Notes: Another random idea that I had, born out of playing too much KOF'03 and Maximum Impact 2. And, of course, my undying love for the characters Kasumi, Chae Lim, Malin, Iori and Ash. I love others, but... yeah._

_Disclaimer: Don't own, blah blah blah... Whatever. Have fun with your franchise, SNKPlaymore/Falcoon/NeoGeo._

_Pairings: What do you think? KASUMI/IORI. FTW. Best KOF pairing. Some other ones when I think of them. Oh, and fear my new love of Kyo/Chizuru. Don't ask. I just suddenly think that pairing is a good idea. It totally is._

_Warning: Naughty yaoi implications. Puppets. Much character bashing. Oh, and just because I'm not bashing Leona and K' and such in this chapter doesn't mean I'm not going to... Oh, everyone's getting it in this fic... at least a little bit. RANDOM CRACK._

**King of Fighters: A Brand New Kind of Hell.  
Prelude.**

* * *

"Kasumi-oneesan... what's that?" the midget mistress of all manner of hidden weaponry asked, as she re-entered the hotel room that was rented by all three members of the Anti-Kyokugen team.

As expected, the famed assassin of the Kisaragi clan was right behind her.

"What the hell does it look like?" Kasumi mumbled, setting the finishing touches on a four foot by three foot miniture theatre stage, complete with velvety crimson curtains, and the small ropes to pull them open.

"A puppet show. Why do you have a stage for a puppet show in the middle of the hotel room?" Eiji asked the young Todoh-ryu kobujutsu heiress.

"Because, Kisaragi-sama... you guys lost the KOF..." Kasumi began.

"Excuse me, but WE lost the KOF, Kasumi-oneesan!" Malin corrected, her hands on her hips.

"A member of the Todoh family never loses. Duh," the older girl replied.

"Uh-huh... so... Your dad beat Takuma... and he stayed in the hospital for six weeks for fun..." Eiji muttered with a grin, stroking his chin in mock-thought.

Kasumi's pale face heated up almost instantly. "SHUT UP OR I'M GONNA BREAK YOUR ARM! You're one to talk, Kisaragi! You're only the worst assassin ever!" she yelled in her father's defense.

Eiji's face turned a shade of red that usually only belonged to a traffic light. "I AM NOT! I'M THE BEST ASSASSIN!"

"Well, let's call Billy Kane-san and Yagami-san and ask THEM! Because they would know!" Kasumi retorted.

Eiji backed down, his face slowly going back to it's normal skin color. "Okay, you win... so... what's the puppet show for?" he asked gruffly.

"I like puppets," Kasumi replied simply.

"Uh-huh, we guessed that. Why here?" Malin said, quickly losing what little patience she had (she was very small, so her patience was very very very small. It's physics, yo).

"We are going to perform a King of Fighters puppet show to relieve the stress of not winning once again because we lack super-special powers," Kasumi told them, pulling out a shoebox from under the twin bed that she'd been sleeping in for the past few days.

Malin moved closer. "Sounds promising."

Eiji scoffed, "I am NOT doing a puppet show."

Kasumi frowned at him. "Yes you are, or I'm telling King that you tried to take advantage of me," she threatened.

Eiji's eyes widened. "What makes you think that I'm afraid of King, or that she'd believe you?" he asked her, shocked that she could be so manipulative.

Her denim blue eyes filled with tears, and she began to wipe them away with her wrist. "Be... because..." she began to sob. "You're a deranged, killer for hire, and I'm... a sweet young woman... who'd never really do anything to hurt someone... and you'd lost it after losing to Yuri, of all people... and tried to take your pent-up sexual frustration out on the unwilling, defenseless little me..." she sobbed, big tears rolling down her slightly pink cheeks. "How could you, Kisaragi-sama? I trusted you!"

Eiji waved his hands in front of him quickly. Damn, she was a good actress! Why was she messing around in the KOF when she could be doing plays and movies with that talent? "No, no! I'll play your little game! Do not sic King on me!" he begged.

She brightened up, showing no signs of any tears just like that. "Good!"

And so, the game began.

--

"Welcome to the First Annual King of Fighters Puppet Show!" Kasumi announced.

"You know... there really isn't room back here for three of us..." Eiji pointed out.

"Shut up!" Kasumi hissed.

A small, plush head with red felt hair covering one eye slowly poked up from behind the stage.

_Iori Puppet: Rawr! I am Iori Yagami! I will kill Kyo with my super-1337 uber-evil Orochi powerz!_

_Kyo Puppet: Oh, no! What am I going to do? Beni-kun, Shingo-chan, help meeee!_

"God, this is lame..." Malin groaned.

"That's their cue!" Kasumi hissed.

Reluctantly, the Benimaru and Shingo puppets popped up.

_Benimaru: Sorry, Kyo, we'd love to help... but we don't have any of the Three Sacred Treasures, so we're almost useless as far as the plot goes!_

_Shingo: Yeah! I'm just your lame fanboy! My only purpose is to run around screaming, "Kusanagi-saaan!", write things in my notebook, and be fodder for the yaoi fantasies of KOF fangirls!_

Malin began to giggle, and Eiji let a small smile slip.

_Chizuru Puppet: Never fear! Chizuru Kagura is here! I am the least sexy female in KOF, but I'm also the only person who can seal the Orochi. Oh well, you win some, you lose some!_

_Iori Puppet: Yeah, you are pretty fuckin' ugly. I'd rather have sex with a dead bull with AIDS and e-coli than get within ten meters of you, Chizuru._

Kasumi giggled a bit behind the stage. "See? It's totally fun!"

_Athena Puppet: Athena Ikimasu! I'm like, totally cute, in that over-done magical girl way! I'm way perfect, and strong, and I've got lots of fans! I'm also a pop-star! In fact, I'm so cool, that I've fallen in love with a complete loser like Kyo, even though he's got a girlfriend!_

_Kyo: Wow, it's Athena. Benimaru, let's have mad buttsecks right in front of her!_

_Benimaru: Yeah! Too bad I'm already having buttsecks with Ash!_

The Ash puppet pops up, and they proceed to do naughty, puppet things.

_Iori: You're all losers! You know who's cool? Kasumi. She's way hot, she's the best fighter ever, and her dad's the best dad in the entire world._

_Kyo: No way! Eiji's totally the best assassin ever! He can kill people like INSTANTLY._

_Athena: Yeah, well, Malin would beat up both of them! She's got all these awesome illegal weapons and she's way cuter than Athena, Yuri AND Kasumi._

Kasumi frowned at her friend. "You are not cuter than me."

Malin shrugged. "We're equally cute, then."

"Okay, cool."

The Chizuru, Athena, Benimaru and Ash puppets disappeared under the stage, and a new one appeared.

_Mai: Like, OMIGOD, ANDY!!!! Andy's such an ugly bastard, but I'm going to stalk him and stalk him and stalk him until he gives in and marries me and we can have a million busty, retard ninja babies! AAAAANDYYYYYY!_

_Terry: Dude, I'm Terry. If you don't know who I am, you're way lame, because I'm the coolest dude ever. I have a totally bad American accent and I throw my nasty trucker hat at people, and I'm banging my brother's girlfriend, because he's a butt-pirate. Or, um, butt-ninja. Whatev._

Malin burst into uncontrollable giggles.

_Rock: Hi... I'm Rock Howard... I'm kind of a dork because I was raised by the guy that killed my dad. I'm probably going to be gay. At least, that's what all the fangirls think. I also think Malin is the cutest thing ever. I would love to be shocked by her cattleprodder_.

Kasumi blinked at Malin. "What're you doing with my puppet...?" she asked.

"Try to make it do a sexy wink..." she replied.

Eiji snorted.

_Ryo: Yo, I'm Ryo. I stink because I never take a shower or change my gi, my karate is the worst karate ever, I pick on poor girls like Kasumi and way awesome guys like Eiji, and I still manage to get a hot girlfriend like King._

Kasumi and Malin both looked at Eiji. "You think King-oneesan is hot...?" the former asked.

Eiji blushed and mumbled, "NO!"

The girls looked at each other and giggled.

_Ash: Je suis Ash. I like to, 'ow do you Americans say eet? BUTTFUCK, oui, zat ees zee term I am looking for... My favoreet people to buttfuck are Benimaru Nikaido, Duo Lon, and Shen Woo..._

"Shen Woo is not gay, no way!" Malin said in a soft, insistent voice.

"Well, he might be, but I don't think Duo Lon is..." Eiji added.

"Why does it matter?" the last member of the team answered. "Ash looks like a girl anyways!"

"Fair enough," they agreed.

_Ash: Oooh lala, I 'ave so many fangirls... I also 'ave weird green flames zat make people zeenk zat zey are on le crack, ohoho!_

"What are you three up to?"

The three guilty teammates peeked out of the stage of the puppet theatre.

"Oh, hi, Hinako-chan!" Kasumi greeted her friend. "Long time, no see!" She smiled brightly at her, and Malin did the same.

Hinako folded her arms over her chest. "Are you three playing puppets?" she asked, raising one golden brow.

They all nodded slowly.

"I am so in!" she squealed, her expression doing a one-eighty as she skipped across the room and settled down behind the puppet theatre with the other three.

"There's not enough room!"

"Well, move over to Jenny Craig, you fat ninja!"

"Oooh, she burned you, Kisaragi-sama!"

And then there were four.

_Duo Lon: Like, omigod, ASH! There you are, you little Treasure theif!_

_Ash: Ah, Duo Lon... bee careful or I shall 'ave too steel your Family Jewels, ohoho!_

_Duo Lon: Ash-chan, you're so naughty!_

_Ash: Do you know 'oo else ees naughty?_

_Duo Lon: No! Omigod, Ash, spill it! Who?_

"Are you guys going to sit here and play Yaoifest '07 or what?"

The three girls peeked over the stage again, and Eiji ducked down and sighed.

"'Cuz if you are, I want to play!" May Lee Jinju squealed in fangirlish delight.

"Come on!" Hinako gestured eagerly.

Eiji rolled his eyes and went to sit on the bed.

_Kim Puppet: Mmm... you know what I like to do after a LONG, HARD day of training, Jhun Hoon puppet?_

_Jhun Hoon Puppet: I don't know about you Kim Puppet... but I like to-- CENSORED!--the---CENSORED!-- out of you..._

_Kim: Ohhh, yeah! Super justice buttsecks!_

"God, May Lee... you live with those guys!" Malin gasped, punching the TKD student's arm playfully.

"Yeah, and you should watch them fight. It's totally homo-erotic," she replied.

Hinako tittered. "I bet it is! Jhun Hoon's so dreamy..."

May Lee glared at the blond. "Hey, back off! Master Kim and Master Jhun's love is pure and true and you shall not dirty it, you silly fangirl!"

"Sorry to dash your dream, May, but... Master Kim's married, isn't he?" Kasumi asked.

"So what? True love knows no boundaries..."

"But wouldn't cheating on his wife with a man be... a little unjust?" Kasumi continued.

May Lee sighed. "It's a pure and true unrequieted love," she agreed. "Because they could never commit an injustice, no matter how beautiful it may be..."

The other three girls' eyes were filled with tears, watching May Lee speak with the passion of a true yaoi fangirl.

She laughed. "It's okay though! There's always a chance that Jae Hoon could be gay, because it sure seems like Rock Howard is!"

They all giggled.

The Shingo Puppet sighes.

_Shingo: Woe is me. Everyone is gay and after my poor, virgin ass, but my heart only knows one love, and her name is Hinako Shijou. How could I get a beautiful, divine sumo princess like her to fall for a pathetic fanboy like me?_

Malin blinked in confusion. "I thought we were making fun of people."

"Yes, we are..." Kasumi agreed.

"Then why does that really sound like Shingo?!"

The New Faces Team Puppets appeared on stage.

_Shermie Puppet: It is now time to sacrifice Kyo's annoying bitchy girlfriend Yuki, who has no real point in the plot but to be his annoying bitchy girlfriend and the last of Kushinada blood, to the Orochi, so he can awaken and live again!_

There were a lot of 'evil cackles'.

_Shermie Puppet: Tonight, we dine in HELL!_

_Yashiro Puppet: Yes! THIS IS... OROCHIIIIIIIIIII!!!!_

_Chris Puppet: Dude, I just wanna dance._

The Chris Puppet began to breakdance on the stage.

The Shermie Puppet slapped the Chris Puppet.

_Shermie: Victory dances are for when victories are achieved. Come, we must sacrifice Yuki the Annoying Bitch!_

_Yuki: Kyo-chaaaan! Save me from the big bad Orochi people!_

_Kyo: OH BENIMARU!_

_Benimaru: OH ASH!_

_Ash: OH DUO LOOOON!_

_Duo Lon: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico._

_Yashiro: Shermie... watch where you're going... Maybe you should get your bangs cut or something._

_Shermie: No, I have a horrible facial disfiguration. It makes the Phantom of the Opera look like a soft, fluffy kitten._

_Chris: Honestly, it can't be that bad... Let me see it!_

The Chris Puppet then attempted to move The Shermie Puppet's felt bangs out of her eyes, which caused every puppet on stage to pile on Shermie, screaming things like, "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" and "I CAN'T LOOK!" and "I THOUGHT CROSS-BREEDING ALLIGATORS WITH CAMEL'S ASSES WAS ILLEGAL!"

"Alligators and camel's asses...?" May Lee asked.

Hinako shrugged.

"That is so gross and wrong!"

"But it was way funny."

It was at that point that the girls heard laughter not belonging to them, and peeked over the stage. Two pairs of blue and two pairs of brown eyes saw that they had gathered a small audience, including King, Yuri, Shingo, Kensou, Kyo, Benimaru, Bonne Jenet, Joe Higashi, Gato... and, yes, Iori Yagami.

The two sets of blue eyes looked at each other, and began whispering nearly inaudibly.

"Shingo-chan is here!"

"So is Iori-sama!"

"I hate being called that," a low and grumbly voice said.

Kasumi clapped a hand over her mouth, praying that he could not tell her voice apart from Hinako's, Malin's, or May Lee's.

"Well, keep going! You guys are HILARIOUS!" the blond pirate encouraged.

Malin cleared her throat, and they all resumed.

The Shingo Puppet sighed again.

_Shingo: Oh my poor heart... when will it's one desire ever be fulfilled...?_

_Chae Lim Puppet: God, you are SO selfish! At least some girls like you!_

_Soiree Meira Puppet: I hear a LOT of girls like you at Kim's dojo!_

_Chae Lim: Which is odd, because there isn't a single girl in the world stupid enough to like you_.

There was laughter.

_Chae Lim: I mean, seriously... even crack-whores wouldn't fall for you! Not even if you waved a pure ounce in front of their face, they'd look the other way!_

_Soiree: And she wonders why she doesn't have a boyfriend._

May Lee giggled loudly at the expense of her fellow TKD student.

_Beni: Is Yuki Puppet dead yet?_

_Kyo: I think so._

_Ash: YAOI PUPPET PARTY!_

All of the male puppets began some weird dog-pile-psuedo yaoi fest, thanks to May Lee, Malin and Hinako's hands.

"This yaoi thing is getting KINDA boring..." one spectator observed.

"It's weird and funny though... as long as they don't start moaning, they can do whatever they want with the Nikaido and Kusanagi puppets."

"What kind of sick person enjoys watching someone make puppets of himself and his best friend participate in an orgy with random men?"

Hinako chucked the Beni puppet into the crowd. "GOD, BENIMARU-SAN! YOU ARE DISGUSTING!"

Kasumi peeked at their crowd again. Iori has left... she didn't blame him. The show was getting a little weird... Kyo had left, too. She really didn't blame him, after what Malin, May and Hinako had done. Shen Woo had replaced them.

"Oooh. Shen Woo's here. He's a cutie, ne, Kasumi-san?" May Lee said, elbowing her gently.

"I think he's a drug dealer," she replied.

Instantly, May Lee's attitude changed, and she started to stand up. "Why, I oughtta... how can someone so cute be evil... I SHALL SHOW HIM THE RIGHTEOUS PATH OF JUSTI--"

"May Lee!" Hinako grabbed her arm, but the TKD student pulled it back.

"It is my duty as Master Kim and Master Jhun's disciple--"

"MAY LEE!" Malin tried to grab her leg, and suddenly, the whole puppet theatre came crashing down.

The entire audience scooted back a bit.

"HERO MAY LEE SHALL--"

"MAY LEE, STOP IT!" Kasumi exclaimed, grabbing her leg as May Lee made a dive for Shen Woo.

"SHIT!" Shen swore, jumping up.

May Lee hit the carpeted floor with a loud 'thud'. "Hey hey hey! What's the big idea! I have to steer him away from evil!" she protested.

"No way!" Kasumi insisted, her hands clenching.

"Um... Kasumi-chan..." Hinako began.

"You ruined our super awesome puppet show!" Malin huffed, folding her arms over her chest.

"Malin-chan!" May Lee exclaimed.

Both of the offended girl's blinked. "Do I smell smoke...?" the Todoh-ryu heiress asked.

"Look at your hands!" Malin shouted.

Kasumi looked down.

Purple flames.

"OMIGOD! THE OROCHI! CHIZURU-SAMA!" Kasumi screamed, shaking her hands in the air, trying to extinguish them. This only sent indigo blossoms of fire onto the bed, dresser, carpet and curtains.

"Hey, hold still! I'll get some water or something! Malin, help her out!" Hinako said to them, standing and rushing off to the bathroom as Eiji and the rest of the crowd filed out of the room.

"Kasumi-oneechan!" Malin pulled out her yo-yo, letting it fall, unsure of what exactly she should do.

The string caught fire.

Not purple, but red.

Red as the Kusanagi flames and the sun.

"HOLY SHIIII!" Malin screeched, throwing her once favored weapon onto the burning sheets of the twin bed.

"HOW DO I TURN IT OFF?!"

"I DUNNO!"

And then suddenly, it stopped.

--

Quotes from '300' and Dane Cook also do not belong to me. I just borrowed them for the purposes of making the New Faces Team look stupid.

All flames are stolen by Ash Crimson.

And hopefully, if people like this, I will be adding the next chapter.


	2. Iris

**King of Fighters: A Brand New Kind of Hell**

**Chapter One**

Author's Notes: Thanks to my reviewers.

LegendarySuperNamek: Honestly, I like almost every pairing with Shingo in it... I was thinking about doing Shingo/Malin for this story, but... well, aside from Kasumi/Iori, the pairings are a surprise (and yes, you will be SURPRISED. Fear the crazy workings of my fangirl mind). Kasumi/Iori should never be a surprise from me. It is THE KOF pairing for me. My KOF OTP. Totally adorable. But yes. Is there a good kind of pointy stick...? I was not aware of this. 

Tsubasaga: Here's the next chapter. Hope you enjoy it.

kusanagisan: -dances.- I'm just gonna dance all over this chapter. I'm really enjoying writing this. The entire fic isn't going to be crack, though; it gets a bit deeper later on. Not this chapter, though. Oh, and... I LOVELOVELOVE Dane Cook. Almost as much as I love my Kasumi/Iori fandom (no, I will never shut up about that pairing, IT IS THE BEST!). I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to SNkPlaymore/NeoGeo/Falcoon. Except for Kasumi's puppets. Those were painstakingly made by hand by sweatshop workers in Wisconsin. Don't bother flaming me, because Ash will steal those flames, lose them, and then you'll have a real problem. God, I love torturing Iori, Kyo and Shingo! -dances.-

--

**King of Fighters: A Brand New Kind of Hell**

**Chapter One - Iris**

--

"Oops."

"Ash, this is not an occasion for OOPS," the dark haired ninja said firmly.

"Yes, it is... It was an accident..." Ash began. "I only took them out for a moment, because they were annoying me..." He pressed his fingers together nervously.

"You stole our Treasures and you LOST them?" Chizuru exclaimed.

"I did NOT lose them. I put them on the nightstand and then they were gone!" he said quickly.

"You are so lucky that I can't become the Orochi right now..." Iori growled, clenching his fists.

"Actually," the Kagura priestess began, "you could, but the Orochi wouldn't come to you because you're powerless," she corrected.

In the back of the room, Kyo snickered.

"What're you laughing at, Kusanagi? Your powers are probably gone, too!" Chizuru said.

"No way! Why would my flames be gone? He hasn't gotten my Treasure yet!" Kyo protested. He lifted his hand to prove the priestess wrong, but all he got was a sizzle, not even some smoke.

"Ah, it seems my theory was correct," Chizuru mused.

"Share it with us, oh wise one," Iori muttered sarcastically, taking a drag off of his cigarette.

Chizuru cleared her throat. "Well, the Three Treasures are all connected... so it two treasures have to find new hosts, then to protect the third, so does it," she explained.

"Well, why didn't your treasures just go back to you?" Kyo asked.

She shrugged. "They probably couldn't find us, so they were drawn to the nearest suitable hosts. Ones that resemble their true hosts..." she answered.

Every nose in the room twitched as the smell of smoke wafted in.

Shen Woo and Shingo rushed up to the door, but the blond spoke.

"We've got a big problem, I think..."

--

"Kasumi and Malin?!" Kyo exclaimed.

Iori didn't look too pleased about it, either.

As if to laugh in their faces, the two Anti-Kyokugen team members began shooting fireballs at each other as if they were water balloons, completely forgetting about the scorched hotel room.

"Kasumi, Malin, please stop it," Chizuru asked, stepping between them.

"Alright, Chizuru-oneesan," Kasumi agreed, smiling.

Malin plopped down on the grass and began sharpening her knives against a large rock.

"No offense, but why would the Magatama and the Katana choose them?" Kyo asked.

"You and Malin have very similar personalities," Chizuru replied.

"We do not!"

"Yeah, I'm way cooler than he is!"

Chizuru raised a brow, then continued. "As I was saying, you both rile very easily, you tend to take the easy way out; Malin with hidden weapons, and Kyo... well, you're just lazy! You both have a rival for seemingly no reason, since Kyo, you and Iori both agree that your rivalry has nothing to do with the Yasakani-Kusanagi feud... not to mention, you both think too much of yourselves."

"Yuri--"

"Iori--"

"Started it!" they shouted in their own defenses.

They stared at each for a moment, then Kyo questioned, "How is Kasumi-chan like Yagami? She's nice and she doesn't have a malicious bone in her body!" Here, Malin snorted audibly. "She's likable! Hell, Yagami's killed everybody that's even come close to liking him!"

Kasumi stared at the Kusanagi heir, wide-eyed. "I think... that's the nicest thing a guy's ever said about me..." she mumbled.

"Then the entire male race is in some serious trouble," Malin said. "You're pretty much the opposite of Yagami... without being, you know, Athena!"

"That's not true, entirely," Chizuru spoke up. "Kasumi was raised primarily by her mother, because her father was always challenging Takuma Sakazaki, and Iori wsa raised primarily by his father. Both of you dislike what those parents have tried to teach you, correct?"

Both of them nodded.

Malin whispered to Kyo, "How does she know all of this...?"

Kyo shrugged. "The King of Fighters has always been connected to the Orochi, and keeping the Orochi sealed is her life's purpose. I guess that makes the KOF her life's purpose," he guessed.

"And both of you misplace your frustrations with your shortcomings. Kasumi, you can't grasp that you're more skilled than the person than the person you've looked up to for your entire life, so you challenge the man that defeated your father in the name of "honor". You're about ten times as honorable as your father is." Kasumi frowned deeply. "Iori... I think that you can't accept that you're destined to die young because of the Yasakani's pact, and that's why you want to kill Kyo. You both want to make things even."

"Oneesan, you're starting to creep me out," Kasumi told her.

Chizuru chuckled. "Sorry. Lastly, you're both willing to put aside your feuds, no matter how stubborn you may seem, and work for the greater good."

"So... what you're saying is that we're going to have to find someone similar to you, because they'll have the Mirror?" Malin asked.

Chizuru nodded.

"So! We're looking for an ugly virgin who likes to boss people around and act like a know-it-all," Iori mused, tapping his chin in thought. "Where ARE we going to find one of those?"

"Iori, I don't think it's Shingo," Kyo said.

Kasumi giggled.

"No, because Shingo is an idiot," Iori agreed.

"Well, Shingo aside..." Chizuru said, "we need to find someone who is dedicated to keeping the balance, and encourages others to do the same. Someone who believes in good relentlessly, and will challenge evil. Do we know anybody like that?"

Kyo, Kasumi and Iori glanced to each other in turns, then the first spoke.

"Anyone up for a visit to Seoul?"

--

Chae Lim wiped her forehead with her wrist, displacing most of the sweat. She could hear the small audience clapping politely for her performance. She went to her opponent, offering him a hand.

"Ugh. Would you stop being a prodigy sometime?" the spiky-haired brunette groaned, pulling himself up.

She smiled. "Even if I am a prodigy, I have a long way to go," she replied, patting him on the back, trying to lessen the sting of his bruised ego.

He brushed her off with a laugh. "You're Pop's best student, and you still say that? You're way too modest!"

Her flushed cheeks deepend a shade further. "Thanks, Dong Hwan."

"Yeah, well, I'm just the warm up. Look who's coming," he said, hopping off the elevated platform.

"Master Jhun!" She made a bow to him, and he waved his hand dismissively. "Why are you back so soon? Where are Master Kim and Chang?" she asked.

"My favorite niece doesn't seem happy to see me!" he teased her. "Why is that?" he asked, opening his arms for a hug.

She stepped into them, hugging him tightly. "I'm sorry, Uncle Jhun. Please forgive me."

"It's alright, I suppose," Jhun said. "I caught your match with Dong Hwan..."

"You did?"

"Don't be shy, niece! There isn't much more that Kim can teach you now, so... why don't you consider training with me?" he offered, grinning at her.

"Thank you, Uncle, but... I'm not at Master Kim's level yet," she replied. "I'm sorry..."

Jhun sighed. "My own niece loves Kim more than me... Would you honor me with a spar, then?"

She laughed, moving into her stance once more. "Of course!"

"This will be interesting," Jae Hoon said, leaning back against the wall of the gym.

"Whoo! Go Chae! YEAH!" Two girls standing near to the platform cheered the loudest.

She smiled to them, watching as her uncle stretched and shook himself out, preparing for their match.

It proceeded in the expected way; she fought hard, and showcased her skills, but it seemed like for every strike Chae connected, Jhun Hoon got two.

"Now, my beloved niece..." he began, smiling as she stood panting, her hands on her knees, "will you train with me? You could be twice as skilled as you are now!"

She straightened up, feeling a fresh rush of adrenaline. "I'm not finished yet!" she said, rushing towards her. She performed his Swallow Kick expertly, and took advantage of his surprise by linking into a few more kicks. As she turned, she caught a glimpse of someone behind Jhun Hoon... at first, she thought that it was May Lee, getting ready to call the match... but the form was fuzzy, like the image on a television with bad reception. Stormy gray eyes, feathery inky hair with one silver stripe at the front...

Herself.

In her shock, she lost all sense of reflex and left an opening. A quick, sweeping kick brought her down. Jhun Hoon hopped back and wiped the sweat from his brows.

"Did you pick that up from those tournaments in Southtown?" he asked her, as she stood and dusted herself off.

She shook her head. "I... don't know..."

"Chae Lim!"

Her head whipped around to find the source of the sharp shout.

"Welcome home, Master Kim!" she greeted him, waving excitedly.

"Chae Lim, get down from there, now!" Kim began. His tone was not the usual, light-hearted one he used when speaking to students and friendly rivals... it was colder, more commanding. Confused, Chae Lim stepped towards the edge of the platform, but as she started to hop down, something knocked her back.

There was a thump, and Chae Lim looked to her uncle. He lay on the floor, and she could see the shine of a thin thread... almost like fishing wire.

"Chae!" May Lee was running towards the platform, eager to help her fellow student.

"Jae Hoon, stop her! I'll handle this!" Kim instructed.

"No! I want to help! Hero May Lee can handle it!" May Lee insisted, as he began to drag her by the arm. She resisted, and Jae Hoon lifted her up by her waist.

"Sonmi, Alice! Come on!" Dong Hwan urged, but they, too, seemed unsure about leaving. "Pops can take care of it!"

"Chae..." the shorter girl glanced to her friend, then left with Sonmi and Dong Hwan.

The TKD zephyr got up, heading over to her fallen uncle. She shook him a bit. "Uncle Jhun...?"

He didn't stir.

A thin woman with short black hair and very little clothing appeared in front of the startled student, standing between her and her master. "Ah-ah-ah! She's coming with us... unless you want your friend to never wake up," she taunted him.

"Phoenix Kick!"

The woman disappeared just as Chae Lim's foot would have connected with the back of her head, and reappeared behind her. She felt a small pressure at her throat... the thread. The woman pulled it tighter, and a warm trickle of blood spilled down her neck.

"We're not playing around. We could just kill her and take that Mirror, and we will if you don't BACK OFF," the woman warned Kim.

Helplessly, Kim stepped back, hopping off the platform.

Chae Lim whimpered, but stood completely still.

Another person appeared near the back of the stage, very androgynus in appearance and carrying a spear. "You done yet?" he asked, one hand on his hip.

The woman smiled slyly. "Almost... You take the girl, I kind of want to toy with this guy," she murmured.

"No. He said to bring her back pronto. No messing around..." the man replied.

"You're... Shion, aren't you?" Kim asked.

"Master Kim..."

"Hey, princess, no talking!" the woman ordered.

The man gave Kim a funny look. "Uh... do I know you...?" he asked.

Chae Lim's gloved hands balled into fists.

"Hey, hey, now... don't you try anything..." the woman warned her.

"This has gone far enough. Release her."

The woman glanced over her shoulder, and Chae Lim grabbed the thread, pulling it away from her neck. Her gloves protected her hands. She slipped away before the woman could stop her.

"Shion! Stop her!" the woman said.

"Thank you..." Chae mumbled, rubbing her neck. "I think."

"My pleasure, princess," Duo Lon replied.

"Great! Now we're gonna get it! Good going, Botan!" Shion said, and then promptly disappeared.

"Damn ninjas, always saving people... Better watch your back!" The woman warned, then disappeared as well.

Chae Lim rushed back to Jhun Hoon. "Wake up!"

He stirred, then drowsily sat up. "Perhaps we should call that one a draw, niece..." he mumbled.

Kim sighed in relief. "Thank you, Duo Lon."

Jhun raised a brow, looking up at the tall, dark ninja. "When did you get here?" he asked.

"Just in time to save your niece," he replied.

Chae Lim stood up, stuffing her hands into her pockets. "Maybe someone should tell me why I was almost kidnapped..."

--

"Oh, that is so not fair!" May Lee whined, beating her fists against her legs as she, Chae Lim, Jae Hoon, Dong Hwan, Duo Lon, Ash Crimson, Kyo Kusanagi, Chizuru Kagura, Iori Yagami, Shingo Yabuki, Kasumi Todoh, Malin, and finally, Masters Kim and Jhun, sat in the living room of the dojo. "Chae Lim always gets to do everything! Now she gets to defeat the Orochi, too?"

Everyone was quite surprised by this outburst.

"Well, she's not going to be defeating the Orochi. Chizuru, Kyo, and Iori will be... this is only temporary, until Ash can fix this mess..." Duo Lon explained.

"How did you know it was going to be Chae Lim who had the mirror, anyways? You've never even MET her!" Kyo said.

"Ninja intuition."

"Gotta get me one of those..."

"ANYWAY... until ASH can figure out how to get the treasures back to the appropriate people... Chae Lim is going to have to go to Japan and stay with Chizuru," Master Kim said.

"And how many abduction attempts am I going to have to fend off until he fixes this mess?" Chae Lim asked.

"None, because Duo Lon is going with you, as well," Jhun Hoon replied.

"What? No! It's bad enough that I have to stay with some woman I don't know, I don't want some guy there, too!" she protested.

"Chae Lim, you are my only neice... I wouldn't leave you with people I didn't trust. Now, you will go, and that's that," the silver-haired man told her firmly.

"I'm 18, you can't force me to," she retorted smartly.

"Well, then, we'll just have to kick you out of the dojo, because we can't have you endangering anyone else," Kim said.

She sighed, leaning against Jae Hoon. "Fine... I'll go."

"Does this mean I can go stay with Yagami-san?" Kasumi asked.

"NO."

"Well, I guess that would make sense..." Chizuru mused.

"NO. She is NOT staying with me!" Iori said loudly.

"Shut up, you big baby. It's not like I like you... I just want an excuse to get away from my okaasama," Kasumi explained.

"Well, I don't have any room for you at my place," the Yagami heir replied, sticking a cigarette between his lips, then he began fishing for his lighter. "... Damn."

Kasumi held up one finger to the end of it, and lit it for him. "There you go."

"No smoking!" Kim said, pointing to the door.

"Whatever," Iori growled, then headed outside.

In a moment, he poked his head back in. "You. Come on."

Kasumi blinked, then pointed to herself. "Me?"

"Well, I can't light my own cigarettes, now can I?" he replied in a dry tone.

"Does this mean..."

"You will NOT rearrange my furniture, cook me dinner, or in anyway act like a housewife. Is that understood?"

She nodded eagerly, and the pair left.

"What I wouldn't give for a relationship like that..." Kim's wife sighed, as she brought in some snacks.

"Well, I guess it's settled. Malin, you'll be staying with Kyo and Shingo," Chizuru said, clapping her hands together.

"I want to stay with Kasumi. Shingo's funny and all... but Kyo's place is probably trashed. I bet there are 15 kinds of undiscovered bugs in there," Malin replied, making a face.

"Hey!"

"She does make a decent point... but, you can't stay with Kasumi and Iori. Yagami's only keeping her around because she's a human lighter, and he's addicted to nicotine. He's going to be going through 7 packs a day now. He'll just kill you," Shingo said.

"You want to die today... don't you?" Kyo asked, cracking his knuckles into his palms.

"No! I'm suffering from post-traumatic stress! She stole my dream!" Shingo replied.

"Malin, you can stay with Shen and I," Ash said, smiling to the girl.

"Sweet! Finally! People I can discuss illegal activities with!" she cried happily.

--

Yup. Pretty lame jokes in there. Next chapter: Everyone starts moving in. Kasumi might rearrange Iori's furniture just to piss him off.

And why is everyone calling Chae Lim 'princess'? WHO KNOWS. Well, I do, and I'm not telling. Fear the loose ends in this chapter!

Next chapter will be up as soon as I get some reviews. Oh yeah!


	3. One Week

**King of Fighters: A Brand New Kind of Hell  
****Chapter Two**

_Author's Notes: Thank you again, but especially to Laharl The Overlord, who has reviewed both chapters, faved and set this retarded fanfiction to alerts. That honestly makes me really happy, deep inside my little fangirl heart where Leona, Athena, and fat people are not welcome. I'm a horrible person, but I'm a happy, horrible person. xD Oh... I'm suprised that no one noticed, but Chae Lim asked Jhun Hoon about Kim and Chang coming home... I forgot that Kim had teamed with Duck King and Terry in XI. xD Oh well. I'll go back and edit it later._

_Disclaimer: I do not own KOF. Ever. If I did, KASUMI AND IORI WOULD HAVE BABIES, OR AT LEAST ATTEMPT IT. Kasumi death isn't very fun for her fangirls (namely, meeee!). Dude, there'd be a lot of fluff if I was president of SNK. I'd be like, "MORE FLUFF! JET PUFF IT, BITCH! JET PUFFED KOF FLUFF!" _

_That would be a totally awesome AIM screen-name. JetPuffdKOFFluff... since you can only have sixteen characters... ANYWAYS. This chapter's gonna be a bit different than the last two. More of '--' those and less of these 'word' things. xD Jk._

_--_

**King of Fighters: A Brand New Kind of Hell  
Chapter Two - One Week**

--

_**Day One - Moving In**_

--

"Welcome to the House of Kagura."

--

"Welcome to Casa de Crimson!"

--

"Touch my stuff and DIE."

--

Kasumi blinked as she stepped into the apartment. "I didn't plan on it, Yagami-san..." she said, taking a quick peek around.

"Don't poke around, either," he added, exhaling an unimaginably large cloud of smoke.

She covered her mouth with her hand. "I won't. You're really paranoid, you know that?" she told him, setting her messenger bag down beside the couch.

"Yes, in fact, I do, and I hope that Ash will get this figured out soon enough, so I can get rid of you... or I may just have to kill him," he replied, sinking down onto the cushions and slouching, drawing another drag off of his cancer stick.

"Why did I come here...?" she groaned almost silently... as in, just loud enough for him to hear it, while she could maintain the lie, 'I didn't say anything'.

"Because you didn't want to be left out, and it was also a great opportunity to get away from your overbearing mother," he replied, the beginnings of a smirk coming to his lips. "It's funny... you thought you were killing two birds with one stone, but instead, you dropped it on your foot."

She picked up a pillow and smacked him with it. "You're a horrible human being, Iori Yagami."

The smirk grew, and he stood up, one hand sliding into his pocket. "Thanks, and enjoy your stay on my couch, Kasumi."

--

"Yo, Oswald, what's up, old man?" the blond asked, glancing over the card-gamer's shoulder.

"Solitaire," he replied, flipping over a card.

"Sweet. Malin's staying with us because Ash screwed up big-time, so don't mind her. Just knock before you go into the bathroom from now on," Shen told him, then flopped down on the couch.

Malin flopped beside him, kind of close... he stared at her.

"Whatcha want, girl?" he asked.

"Have you ever been in a gang war?" she asked, almost hopeful.

"No..."

"Have you met any crooked cops?" she asked, leaning closer to him.

He backed up against the arm. "No..." he said, wondering what she was up to.

"Do you and Ash get bored and cook up some crack in the kitchen?" she asked, still moving closer to him.

"No, we don't!" He backed up so much that he ende up pushing himself over the arm of the couch and fell on the floor.

Ash looked down at him as Shen Woo stared up at the cieling. He chuckled.

"You'd better get in the kitchen and start cooking up some crack, because I'm gonna kill you, Ash!"

--

"You'll be staying in the room next to mine. Should you need anything, ask me," Chizuru said, moving down the hall and sliding open the door to the room.

It was well-furnished, large paper fans and oil paintings hanging on the wall, a comfortable-looking tatami mat on the floor, a dresser, a closet, and other pieces of furniture. Chae Lim stepped inside and set down her bags. "Thank you, Chizuru-sama," she said, giving the older woman a polite smile.

"It's no problem... I just want you to be comfortable while you're here," she replied, folding her arms over her chest serenely.

Chae Lim nodded. "I'm sure I will be..." she said, setting her suitcase and backpack down on the floor. Her eyes gave the room a twice-over, and landed on the dresser. "Is it alright if I use it?" she asked.

"Of course... just don't move the picture, please," the Yata heiress told her, watching as the TKD zephyr went to the dresser and checked the picture.

"You have a twin?" she asked, glancing back at her.

"No... that was Maki. She was my older sister... we've always looked alike," Chizuru said with a laugh. "It was much like looking in a mirror."

"That's fitting," Chae Lim agreed.

Chizuru nodded, saying, "Be kind to this room... it hasn't seen guests in a while..."

"Oh, I--" Chae Lim began, but the watcher was already gone.

She sighed, and picked up the picture of Maki and Chizuru. It seemed old... a bit faded. " "Was her older sister"?" she repeated. "I couldn't imagine losing a sister..." she mumbled, then began to unpack.

--

_**Day Two**_

--

"Kasumi! You've got some explaining to do!" Iori said in a loud, annoyed tone as he stood in the middle of his living. He sucked deeply on the end of the cigarette, reducing it's size to half in that one drag.

Kasumi emerged from the bathroom, towel-drying her hair, still wearing her pajamas. "Mm-hm, what is it, Iori-sama?" she asked.

"I told you NOT to rearrange my furniture," he growled. His annoyance with the new placement of the couch outweighed his dislike of the title, 'Iori-sama'.

"Well..." she stepped into the living room. "I figured that since I was going to be sleeping there, I didn't want it in the sun," she explained.

"It is not your couch to move," he said firmly, scowling at her.

"Hm... I like sleeping in later than 5 a.m. so... I guess it stays there."

"No, move it back. It throws off the entire living room," he ordered.

She giggled, sitting on the couch and pulling her legs up onto the cushions. "Sorry. I guess I'll just rearrange the entire living room to make it work!" she apologized.

"Or I could just wring your neck, you brat!" he roared at her.

She jumped, but she didn't back down. Her left hand became engulfed in indigo flames. "Aw... it's a shame that I'm not afraid of you..." she said with a pout.

He threw his arms up into the air.

"I could just leave, if I'm really that much of a problem!" she said to his retreating back.

"Yeah, and then Ash figures out how to get the Magatama back, and you're who knows where..."

"I'd give it back," she told him.

"Sure. After you've run off to Southtown to beat up Sakazaki..." he grumbled.

Something firm and cushion-y hit him in the back of the head.

--

"Hey, Ash..." Malin began, as she, Ash and Shen were jumping from twin bed to twin bed in the boys' room, "shouldn't we be working on the Sacred Treasures problem?" she asked.

"Nope!" Ash said, jumping from his bed to Shen Woo's, his hair flopping every which way, honestly defeating the purpose of the black headband. "This is way more fun than stealing people's powers!"

"Yeah! This is awesome! It's better than crack-cocaine and ecstasy! And I would know!" Shen agreed, bouncing in place.

"Is it better than sex?" Ash asked him.

"With you or with a girl?" Shen tried to clarify.

"Does it make a difference?" Ash replied.

"Not really!" Shen agreed.

The three of them had a jolly bout of laughter as they acted like four year olds on Pixy Stix.

Nope, nothing was getting done in Casa de Crimson today!

--

"Chae Lim... I was wondering if you'd be interested in training with me..." Chizuru said as the two of them began breakfast that second morning.

The temporary Vessel was quite surprised at the second offering of apprenticeship in two days by two different people. "Ah... I don't know, Chizuru-sama... it might derail Master Kim's teachings..." she said unsurely.

"Why can't you know both Taekwondo and Kagura-style?" the Yata heiress inquired. "I think Master Kim would be pleased that his best student would also be the first person outside of the clan to know our style..." she said smoothly.

"No offense, but why me?" she asked.

"You're here, and I don't see why not," Chizuru replied with a smile. "What's wrong with broadening your horizons?"

Well, she couldn't argue with that!

"Alright... that sounds good," Chae Lim agreed.

"Then meet me in the courtyard in an hour," she instructed.

--

_**Day Three**_

--

"I'm beginning to think that you're doing this shit on purpose," Iori growled.

Kasumi giggled as she lit another one of his cigarettes. "Doing what, Iori-san?" she asked innocently.

"PISSING ME OFF," he said loudly.

She gave him a look like, 'Who? Me?' and then said, "I would NEVER..."

"Rearrange the entire living room? I fell on the fucking floor because I thought my chair was still there!" he replied, his fist clenching and crushing the poor, innocent cancer stick.

He stuck another one between his lips, and she went to light it. He brushed her petite, delicate hand away.

She then used that hand to pick up a pillow and beat him in the face with it, doing so until the smell of burnt pillow fluff began infecting the apartment's clean oxygen.

"WOULD YOU NOT FUCKING DO THAT, YOU SPAWN OF SATAN?!" the true Divine Vessel roared at her.

She beat him again, and didn't stop until the entire couch was an indigo bonfire.

--

_"Porch monkey. Hey, hey, don't cry, we're taking it back!"_

Malin, Shen Woo and Ash were rolling over each other on the living room floor, laughing hysterically at the drugged up antics of the employees at Mooby's.

"We should totally try that..." Malin giggled.

Ash and Shen Woo looked at each other, and then decided to do something very irresponsible, and thus, waste another day NOT figuring out how to get Kyo, Iori and Chizuru their treasures back... in case someone tried to, I dunno... unseal the Orochi and then Chae Lim, Kasumi and Malin would have to save the world... and the world would be completely fucked...

Nope, they got higher than giraffe pussy. (TM)

--

Chizuru smiled, watching as Chae Lim knelt on the ground, panting like a fat guy who's just run 10 blocks to KFC. "That was very good."

It was a shame that Chae Lim couldn't agree. She'd never trained so hard in her life, and she hadn't learned anything... even without the mirror, Chizuru could make shades of herself; they didn't last long, but they worked, and she was much more powerful than Chae Lim.

Still, the taekwondo student said, "Thank you," politely.

"Don't be discouraged. I'm sure that you'll get better. You're just too used to the speed of Taekwondo... Kagura-style is very deliberate and makes every move count, inflicting the maximum amount of damage with very little effort," she explained, kneeling beside her.

Duo Lon brought out a small tray and sat with them. On it was a small teapot and three porcelain cups.

Chae Lim smiled to him. "Thanks..." she said, taking one and pouring herself some of the steaming liquid. She blew on it gently, causing the ninja and the priestess to chuckle, then she took a sip. "Mmm... peach."

"You like it?" Chizuru asked, raising her own cup to her lips.

"Yes... it's actually my favorite," she admitted. "How did you know?" she asked, then glanced to Duo Lon. "Ninja intuition again?"

He shook his head, then looked away, but she could see the faintest hint of pink of his pale cheeks.

"It was my sister's favorite as well," Chizuru replied, then set the teacup down. "I think I'll leave you kids alone..." she said, standing and heading back into the house.

"Um, okay..." Chae Lim said at her retreating back, then looked to the Flying Brigand that sat across from her. "... So..." she began, drumming her fingers against the small table.

"Want to play Soul Calibur III?" he asked.

"HELL YES."

The two raced off to Duo Lon's room to play Soul Calibur III, the easiest fighting game ever.

--

**_Day Four_**

--

"Good morning, Iori-sa..." Kasumi began, stifling a yawn, as she heard the door open, then abruptly shut. She rubbed at her eyes, and glanced out the adjacent window. It was either very early in the morning, or about to rain, because it was pretty dark outside. "I wonder where he's going..." she mused, sitting up. Not that it was any of her business, but his guitar was no longer on the rack in the living room... maybe he was going to meet with his band... or he'd moved it because he was afraid she'd touch it.

"God, he's a jerk!" she huffed, folding her arms over her chest. "Why am I even staying here! Maybe I'll just give Ash that Magatama and..."

Her cellphone rang. _'All alone he turns to stone, while holding his breath half to death. Terrified of what's inside...' _it sang from the coffee table. She picked it up, gingerly putting it to her ear. She had gotten away with it for four days... it was time to deal with... HER.

"Mushi-mushi, Kasu--"

_"WHERE IN SEVEN HELLS ARE YOU, YOUNG LADY?!" _

She jumped. She hadn't expected her mother to yell quite so loud over the phone. "Um... at a friends house..." she said quietly.

_"WHICH FRIEND?! I CALLED HINAKO, KING, AND XIANG-FEI! You're not in China, Tokyo, or Southtown! WHERE ARE YOU?!" _her mother demanded.

Oh. She'd forgotten that her mother had their numbers... shit. Now she was going to have to lie more. "Um... I'm at Shingo's house. With Yuki-san and Kyo-san and Benimaru-san..." she lied. "We're discussing what a wonderful mother I have and how beautiful and graceful a daughter she raised," she lied.

Her mother scoffed, but seemed to buy it. _"That Benimaru is such a charmer... Well, I suppose if you're with them, it's alright. But... hang on a second, darling, someone's at the door..."_

Kasumi sighed. She'd gotten away with it...

_"Shingo? What... of course Kasumi's not here. She's with you and..."_

Or so she'd thought. "Um... okaasama... I have to go now. Kyo-san's setting the couch on fire..."

_"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'OH SHE MUST STILL BE AT YAGAMI-SAN'S PLACE'?! HEY, GET BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE BRAT! WHY IS KASUMI AT SOME ROCKSTARS HOUSE?!" _Shizuka Todoh screamed.

Kasumi hung up and hid under the blankets, silently deciding that telling her mother that she'd be staying with Iori Yagami's apartment for a few weeks would've been a good idea...

--

"Hey, Ash... are we ever going to figure out how to get Iori, Kyo and Chizuru their powers back?" Malin asked as she and Oswald began cooking lunch.

Ash glanced at her over his newspaper. "Hm... tomorrow. Oui, tomorrow sounds good..."

Shen came up behind him, draping an arm over his shoulder. "Man... my head hurts... how fucked up did we get last night? My ass kind of hurts too... did I fall down the stairs or somethin'?" he asked.

Oswald snickered, and Malin almost dropped her spatula.

Apparently, Shen Woo was the only one that got 'fucked up' last night.

--

"You CHEATED."

Chae Lim blinked, then frowned, truly offended. "I did not, and I'm offended that you would accuse me unjustly, because you can't handle the fact that you lost to a girl!"

"YOU CHEATED," Duo Lon insisted, setting down the controller and standing up.

"Did NOT." Chae Lim stood up as well, facing him, her shoulders set.

"DID TOO." His eyes narrowed at her.

"DID NOT."

"DID TOO!"

"Maxi just sucks! And his hairstyle was ripped off from Elvis!" the TKD zephyr said with a 'hmph', folding her arms over her chest.

"Yeah, well, Seong Mi-Na needs to wear more clothing! It's a wonder she isn't pregnant, showing off those hideous thighs and flashing her panties at everyone and going, 'Oh, Yun-Seong, please come home! Ahhh, wait, it's Hwang Sung-Kyung, the only man who's actually interested in me! What will I do?'" he said, making his voice ridiculously high-pitched when he was imitating the Heart and Soul Girl. "It's like watching Mai Shiranui with a halberd!"

"Yeah, well... YOU'RE A FAG!" she yelled, defending her favorite character.

Duo Lon gasped and did a double take as if he'd just walked in on Shamu giving it to Flipper at SeaWorld. "DYKE," he retorted.

"You're wearing a DRESS," she hissed.

"You're wearing... uh... a taekwondo uniform, and it looks really bad on you!" he replied.

She had to fumble for her next insult. "Yeah, well... YOU SUCK AT VIDEO GAMES, SO HA!"

Then Chizuru walked in, smacked them both in the face and sent them to Time Out.

"And you stay there until you can learn to play nicely!" she huffed.

--

**_Day Five_**

--

"Alright... I think we all know why we're here..." the Yata priestess began, standing and glancing around at all of the other fighters present.

Iori was still picking pillow fluff out of his hair, and Shingo was being forced to keep Chae Lim and Duo Lon separated.

"How about I get a zan ma dao and beat you in the face with it?! Let's see how pretty you are then!"

"A good nunchaku to the face could only help yours!"

"You guys, stop it!" Shingo cried in vain. "Kusanagi-saaaaan!"

Kyo was laughing; Chizuru was not. She smacked him.

"All three of you, get in Time Out!" she roared. "And Shingo... go sit by Malin," she added.

Chizuru sighed, satisfied that everyone would shut up and pay attention now. "I have heard that things are not working out with Kasumi-chan staying at Iori's house," she began.

"I have no more pillows, and my furniture is all in the wrong places!"

"My back is totally stiff and I have bags under my eyes from lack of sleep!"

"Her mother is going to break down my door any second!"

"Yeah, and... wait... my okaasama is gonna kill you..." she giggled.

Chizuru sighed again. "Kasumi, you and Iori will stay at your house, then. Your mother can't complain, and neither of you will have to sleep on a couch."

"Why do they have to stay with each other at all?" Kyo asked. "It isn't right. Iori might rape her."

"My fist is about 3 seconds away from raping your intestines, Kusanagi..." the Yasakani heir growled.

"It's just in case... those people come after her, like they did to Chae Lim. If Duo Lon hadn't showed up, they would've taken the mirror," the Yata heir replied.

"Oh, and look how _well_ that one's turning out..." the Kusanagi heir rolled his eyes.

Chae Lim was trying to use the mirror's power to create a shade of herself to kick Duo Lon, and Duo Lon was trying to use his shadow things to retaliate.

Chizuru glared at him. "Stop acting like children! Can't you be a little mature?"

"She started it."

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not! LIAR!"

"Shen Woo, sil vous plait..." Ash said with a wave of his hand.

Shen Woo stood up, punched them both upside the face in turn, thus knocking them out, and dragged their unconscious bodies to the couch. Maybe if they woke up tangled together, they'd be nicer to each other.

Or they'd just really want to kill Shen Woo rather than each other.

"Merci, Shen," Ash said, clasping his hands together. "Voila! Problem solved!"

"Speaking of solving problems... have you figured out how to get our treasures back yet?" Chizuru asked, looking to the blond frenchman.

He flushed, his hands suddenly fidget-y. "Perhaps you could just take them back, non?"

Iori glared at Kasumi. "Give it."

She frowned, her fists clenching and glowing a soft purple. "I already told you, if I could, I would!" she hissed.

"Alright, so obviously that isn't going to work..." Kyo said. "I have a better idea."

"Of course you do, Kyo," Iori muttered.

"Yes, I do, Iori!" Kyo sat up a bit straighter. "Ash, why don't you just take them from the girls and transfer them to us?"

"That wouldn't work for two reasons," Chizuru began. "One: He might just keep the treasures. And Two: That would hurt the girls."

"Says who?" Kyo didn't like it when he had one of those rare bright ideas, and someone came along and shot it down.

Chizuru's right eye twitched. "I was in the hospital for 2 months, you idiot!"

"I thought that was because of your arm...?"

"No, it was not!"

Everyone was silent for a few moments, then reluctantly... Kyo spoke again.

"I guess... that Kasumi, Malin and Chae Lim are going to have to be the new Divine Vessels..."

--

OMG, long. This took me forever, because I kept getting distracted. I'm so sorry! I just started at my new job, and... and, I had this urge to write some more KH yaoi and then some Virtua Fighter angst.

Nope, this will not be the end of this story. There is still much more to come. So, review me, betches.


End file.
